A Day in Deux Smurf
As you may have spotted over on our social channels (@TheMudLifeMag), a few weeks ago I managed to make a right pig’s ear of things. I was convinced I’d booked in an Isuzu D-Max AT35 press truck, but thanks to a tragic combination of optimism and not actually reading my emails, it turned out the PR team had it down for an entirely different week. That’ll teach me… probably.
Still, every cloud and all that. My little scheduling snafu meant I finally had time to give Deux Smurf - our faithful 1996 Toyota Hilux Surf, a proper run out. And honestly? I was weirdly excited. We spend so much time with shiny new press cars packed with gizmos that it’s easy to forget what it’s like to drive a proper, old-school 4x4 with no unnecessary wizardry.
Back to Basics (and Back to Green Lanes)
Deux Smurf is cut from the same cloth as a Classic Range Rover, early Defenders and the Discovery 1. She’s got a low ’box, a centre locking diff, and absolutely none of the clever traction trickery that modern 4x4s use to haul themselves through just about anything. If two wheels lift, you’re done. Simple as.
For the suspension nerds (you know who you are), she runs a rear solid axle with coils, and a coil-sprung double-wishbone independent front end. Does it matter? I dunno. Possibly. But it sounds impressive when you say it out loud.
Before any adventures could begin, though, she needed a wash. I can handle a bit of mud, but she was starting to resemble a mossy garden ornament complete with little green shoots sprouting on the sidesteps. A quick blast later and she was looking almost respectable.
First Stop: Delph
I kicked things off just outside Oldham, tackling a few of the lanes around the village of Delph.
First up was Trailwise 2 ref: SD9807-03, which opens with a rocky incline and, within a few yards, the first of two diagonal ditches.
Side note: engaging low-box in Deux Smurf is wonderfully simple. No plastic buttons, no flashing dashboard icons having an existential crisis, just grab the lever and slot it home. Bliss.
The first ditch is a deep one. I’ve had a Dacia Duster 4x4 flounder there, and plenty of other centre-diff-only 4x4s. Deux Smurf was no exception. Experience helps here though — with lockers or modern traction control I’d have just crawled through, but in something old-school you have to think a bit. A quick reverse, pick a higher line, keep all four wheels somewhere vaguely near the ground, and up she went. Obviously I stopped for photos, because if you don’t photograph the tricky bits, did you even go green laning?
The lane tightens and steepens from there. Loose stones don’t cause much grief until the top, where another axle-twister lies in wait. Cue another pause, another scuttle from the surprisingly capable Davanti Terratouras, another reverse-and-retry moment, and we were through and onto Harrop Edge. (SD9907-06).
Turning left, this next section is basically a doddle. If she fancied it, your Nan could drive her Micra along it. The views though are cracking.
Eventually you reach a crossroads. A right turn drops you onto SE0008-04, which is much trickier, especially when wet. I drove all the way down to the A670, turned around, and pointed the old girl back uphill.
There are a few rock steps at the bottom, and in the damp Deux Smurf had to work for traction. Nothing dramatic, just a bit of momentum and some mechanical sympathy. This section is narrow enough that I didn’t get out for photos, but the plan was to nose her into the deep ruts like I do with press cars.
This is where things got… interesting.
Without lockers, threading a path through deep ruts means lifting a wheel or two. And the moment she cocked a leg, forward progress stopped. Getting the classic “front wheel in the air” shot was even trickier - not enough traction, not enough fancy electronics, so it took more throttle than I’d ideally throw at a 29-year-old 4x4. But she did it.
The Grenadier I had the week before, and other technically advanced 4x4s breezed through the same spot, all with both lockers engaged, literally crawling without disturbing a pebble. Ahh, lockers. One day…
Onwards to SE0109-01
The next lane was a nice, relaxed affair, with the odd twisty bit, but nothing dramatic, only lovely views across the moors. Classic Greater Manchester upland stuff.
There were a few more lanes nearby I could’ve ticked off, but with counselling clients booked in later that day (yes, life’s all glamour here at Mud Life HQ), I pointed Deux Smurf home instead.
Final Thoughts
And you know what? She was brilliant. Not perfect, not modern, not clever, but honest, mechanical, and charming in that way only an old 4x4 can be. Driving modern press cars is a privilege, but every now and then, it’s good for the soul to knock the electronics into the long grass and rely on traction, technique, and a bit of mechanical clunk.
Deux Smurf may not have lockers or wizardry, but she’s still very much alive, and she’s still up for a day on the lanes. That’ll do me.